Dexter Part One

Showtime's series Dexter is the story of a serial killer who only kills bad guys. Dexter claims to not to feel. He associates the absence of feeling with being empty inside. He tells us that some people fake some interactions but he fakes all of them. I wonder if we can use Dexter to think about what it means to have or not have feelings, about what feelings are and appropriate feelings.

I was fascinated with the concept of non feeling at the beginning of the first series (I am still fascinated). As the series continues I find myself arguing with Dexter about his lack of feelings-- If you don't feel then why do you save Deb? If you don't feel then why are you so protective of children? Do you feel when you kill? If not then why do it? Through questions like these I realized that I am marking feeling as the motivating factor for life choices, loyalties, extracurricular activities, etc. I find the assumptions that I seem to be making problematic and yet I still want my questions answered. Additionally does Dexter not feel because those things we might mark as feelings can not be found in the available feelings language? Am I trying to push Dexter into a mold that I understand because I want to find new languages for feelings?

I have to say that I was very very disappointed when he started having sex with Rita. The sex was going to happen eventually, they are dating after all but I don't like that he likes it. His enjoyment of sex seems to seal (or something else) his heteronormativity. Before the sex his narration of faking heteronormative interactions sounds strikingly like the narrative of a closeted gay. Afterwards something (that I can't quite put my finger on) is different. The killings that occur in the finales of season one and three are not just the death of humans but also queer tensions between Dexter and his soon to be dead friend. Season two's finale death of Lila could be read as keeping Dexter in heteronormativity by returning him to Rita and the kids.

I have started reading the books. I want to know if anything useful has been left out of the show that might help me understand these questions. I also need to find someone who has cable in September, when season 4 begins.